


lay your heart on me

by softambrollins



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Apologies, Friendship, Gen, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 23:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18041333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softambrollins/pseuds/softambrollins
Summary: "Dean's not okay," Roman tells him quietly. "I don't think he's been okay for a long time."It takes some time, but Dean finally opens up to his brothers.





	lay your heart on me

**Author's Note:**

> Post-Shield reunion on RAW March 4th.

Dean eventually wanders off to the showers and leaves them both standing there in the locker room, facing each other. Seth's not sure what to do now, something still feels incomplete even after they finally put their fists together, and he doesn't quite know where they go from here. 

Only then Roman meet his eyes firmly and says the thing they've both been thinking all night but haven't acknowledged out loud.

"Dean's not okay," Roman tells him quietly. "I don't think he's been okay for a long time."

Seth's been starting to figure that out himself. It was too painful to think about in the weeks after Roman left — that dead-eyed look Dean would look at him with, he'd changed, Seth knew it, it was like he was hollow inside, like everything that made him who he was had been carved out of his chest, like he'd clawed it out himself until there was nothing left, and he couldn't bear to think that maybe that was _his_ fault. Maybe he'd broken Dean so badly four years ago that he'd tried to put the pieces back together, but they just fit _wrong_. And then when Roman dropped the bomb on them, he shattered again, exploded into fragments so small that he'd never be able to find them all. Seth thought Dean was lost to him forever, so he tried to put a wall around those feelings and not look at them or think about them again. 

But it's the weird behaviour in the last couple weeks that's really tipped him off. Seth's no stranger to acting like things are fine when he doesn't want to deal with the maelstrom inside of him, but seeing Dean like that, so scattered and _lost_ almost, it shook something loose in him. Maybe his walls aren't so structurally sound after all.

Seth sighs heavily, realising there's no ignoring this anymore. "What has he said to you?" he asks finally.

Roman shrugs. "Not much," he admits. "He was _happy_ last week. I know that at least. But then he got super cagey, and wouldn't even look me in the face. What do _you_ think?"

Roman's looking at him like he's looking for _answers_. Roman's the closest person in the world to Dean, but they both know that Seth's always had a different kind of insight into Dean. Maybe it's his analytical brain, or maybe it's just whatever strange connection he and Dean have always had. He can look in Dean's eyes and know exactly what he's thinking. But Dean's been a closed book for a long time, by his own choice. And Seth has been trying so hard to _not_ look. This isn't going to be so simple.

"Maybe he's feeling guilty," Seth suggests. "Maybe he thinks you're mad at him."

"I'm not mad," Roman says, sounding like he means it. "Maybe I _should_ be. He said a lot of bad shit. And he _did_ a lot of bad shit to you. But that's — that's not _Dean_. Not really. I'm just...worried, man."

"Maybe that's worse," Seth says darkly.

"He's stubborn," Roman admits. "But he'll come around, eventually."

"So, we just wait for that to happen?" Seth asks, uncertain. 

"We can't force him," Roman says, with a tone of finality. "He'll talk when he's ready."

Seth just nods in agreement, because this one time, he's still not sure what's the right thing to do. So he chooses to trust Roman's judgment instead. Roman's always known what was best for them, even when they themselves didn't. Tonight's just another example of that.

Seth has his brothers back. That's all that matters right now. The rest will come later.

*

It happens when he least expects it. They're sitting outside a motel on the outskirts of some tiny, nameless town in the Midwest. Apparently, one more reunion means one more road trip in a smelly, old car on the backroads and deserted highways of truckstop America.

"We're too old for this shit," Dean tells him from where he's slumped low in a cheap lawn chair next to him, taking a swig of beer. It's probably too cold to be outside right now, but Dean was getting antsy cooped up in his tiny motel room and had taken to trying his hardest to drive them both crazy as well. Seth had grudgingly decided to go with him. Seth and Roman had promised each other to at least keep an eye on Dean for the next couple months, trying their best to not let him in on that. Dean doesn't seem to care about much of anything now, though. He's gone along with everything without too much fuss, and he definitely seems better than before, it feels like Roman being back has done wonders for him — but he's still not the same person he was before he left to get his surgery. Maybe he won't ever be again.

"Hey, it was Roman's idea," Seth says. They've both silently agreed in the last few weeks that whatever Roman wants, Roman gets. It's already proven to be exhausting, but neither of them are gonna complain about him being in a good mood.

"Anything for Roman, right?" Dean says, sounding truly cynical now.

"Wait — what are you talking about?" Seth asks, looking across at him, realising it's probably not just the road trip that has him bitter.

"I mean — you. Being here right now. With me. Wouldn't have been a chance in hell of that happening without Roman." His face twists into a mocking sneer, almost a grimace.

"You think he forced me into it?" Seth asks, feeling taken aback by his accusation.

" _Guilted_ you, maybe. I mean, I understand, but —"

"That's bullshit, Dean, and you know it," Seth tells him dismissively. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be here."

"Why would you wanna be here?" Dean asks skeptically. "You were doing fine on your own."

Seth has to laugh at that.

"Are you kidding me, Dean? A month ago, I didn't have _anything_. Roman was gone, and I thought you were gone _forever_. I was ready to _sacrifice_ myself to beat Lesnar —"

"And you're _not_ anymore?" Dean interrupts quietly, looking actually concerned.

Seth huffs a sigh. "I don't know. Maybe things have changed," he says, giving him a significant look.

"You don't have to _kill_ yourself to get the title, you know. You'll find a way. You always do." Dean actually sounds sincere, and it makes it hard to ignore the strange feeling he's had for the last couple weeks.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Seth asks, knowing he sounds frustrated now.

"Doing what?" 

"Encouraging me. Telling me to 'slay the beast.' Telling me you… _believe_ in me or whatever." He feels slightly uncomfortable then, averting his eyes from Dean's face.

"Because I _do_ ," Dean says, sounding genuinely confused. "I meant it when I said I believed in you."

It's unexpectedly touching, but at the same time, it also triggers something deep in his core he's kept locked up tightly for the last couple months. Something big and _angry_ and overwhelming.

"Well, then why'd you...break my fucking heart?" Seth says, throat tight, and he wishes he could take it back. It's not supposed to happen like this. He's not supposed to be forcing him — 

But then Dean does the unthinkable. He looks him in the eyes, finally, and answers him.

"Because maybe I didn't believe in _us_ anymore," he says evenly.

"Dean..." Seth exhales.

"No, I just — Roman was gone. And I'd almost fucking died. And I still wasn't all _here_ — I knew that, I was fucked-up, I wasn't gonna be any help to anybody. And I knew you wanted _this_ — Wrestlemania, the title. I knew you'd leave. So I decided to leave first before that could happen."

Dean turns away from him then, fingers clenched tightly around his beer bottle, breathing hard like that took a lot out of him.

Seth just looks at him for what feels like a long time, and then he slowly reaches out and gently rests his hand on top of Dean's. He feels him relax just the slightest bit.

"I wasn't gonna leave you, Dean. You have to know that," Seth promises him. "This, you — you and Roman are always gonna be more important to me than anything."

Dean just shakes his head. "That doesn't guarantee anything, though. Shit keeps happening to us. Every single time. And it's all so fucking out of our control. It just keeps _hurting_. And I can't stop it. No matter how much I try to put up walls around me."

"Walls don't protect anyone, Dean," Seth tells him sadly. "I know that better than anyone."

"Is that why you agreed to this?" he asks, voice small.

"I agreed to this because...I missed it," Seth says simply. "I didn't wanna be alone anymore. I don't want _you_ to be alone either."

"Even after what I did to you?" he asks tentatively, raising his eyes back up to Seth's.

"Yeah," Seth tells him truthfully. "All I wanted for a long time was to have you back. And then it just hurt too fucking much to want that so hard when I thought I'd never have it again — so I put up my own walls."

"Guess we're somehow in the same boat, after all," Dean tells him with an ironic smile.

"You should've _talked_ to me, Dean," Seth says, his voice full of regret. "We could've dealt with it. All of it. Together."

"I know," Dean says, nodding at him gravely. "I know. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Seth says after a moment. "We have another chance now. To do it right this time."

"Okay," Dean says quietly. And it feels like a spark of belief has been reignited.

*

It's after midnight and the road's been clear for miles. Roman's driving and Seth's sleeping in the backseat for a change. It's a lot quieter this way and usually Dean would appreciate that, but now he just has so much going on in his head.

"You okay?" Roman asks, looking over at him. He hasn't asked in a while, not since Dean told him, politely but firmly, to stop.

Dean shrugs, then remembers to use his words. "I don't know," he says. "Maybe. Maybe I could be."

"What about you and him?" he says, flicking his gaze up to the reflection of Seth's sleeping form in the rearview mirror.

"I think we're gonna be okay," he says, feeling more sure about that as he says it. "I think we just needed to figure out how to talk to each other again."

"It's not easy, I know," Roman says. "But it'll make you feel better. Trust me."

A long moment of silence passes between them.

"I'm sorry I didn't pick up the phone for so long," Dean says eventually.

Roman glances over at him, brow creased in concern.

"I just — I couldn't," he continues. "I couldn't do it. I felt so fucking terrible. And I was a shitty friend. The worst, honestly."

"I get it, man," Roman says gently. "You were going through a lot."

"That's not a fucking _excuse_ , though," he says wretchedly. "I was so preoccupied with my own shit and feeling sorry for myself and —" _And you needed me_ , he doesn't say. Can't say right now.

"Dean, it's alright. It's alright to feel like that sometimes. But it's _not_ alright to just choose to deal with everything on your own and shut everyone else out. Especially the people who care about you, man. That's not fair to yourself or us."

Dean just shakes his head despairingly. "I still feel like shit. I don't know how you can just be okay with me being such a fucking asshole."

"You're my brother," Roman says simply. "Always will be. That's the most important thing to me."

Dean just stares at him for a moment, wondering how he's even real and how the hell he managed to do so damn well for himself in the best friend department.

"I don't deserve you, you know that?" Dean tells him honestly, voice raspy.

"Yeah, you don't," Roman agrees with a grin, a glint in his eye that he missed so damn much and is indescribably happy to see there again. "But you got me anyway. For always."


End file.
